An introduction, if you will.
Hello there, Medium friends.
Howdy! š¤ Iām Neely. My pronouns are she/they. I am a queer woman, born, raised, and currently based in Texas. Iām a certified ADHD coach on a mission to help other neurodivergent folks to fall in love with their weird + wired brains!
Iāve started this blog to share my journey as a neurodivergent person, in hopes that my story will resonate with and help others not to feel so alone. Ultimately, I plan to elaborate on many of the stories within this article, as well as other elements I havenāt yet touched on.
I was first diagnosed with ADHD as a teen. This is already unusual, as women (and those AFAB) often go undiagnosed well into adulthood. I was prescribed medication, which I took inconsistently for a brief period of time. Eventually, I decided that I didnāt actually have ADHD, and that Iād clearly fabricated my symptoms as a means to con my provider into diagnosing me and prescribing medication. I basically gaslit myself.
Did I mention I was deep in the throes of substance use and an eating disorder at this point, both of which are common co-morbidities alongside ADHD? š§
Anyway, I ended up dropping out of high school at 16 years old, stopped taking my medication, stopped seeing my provider, and opted for white-knuckling my way through my twenties.
After 5 years of zig-zagging between multiple schools and countless last-minute all-nighters, I somehow managed to graduate summa cum laude š® from Texas State University with a bachelorās in psychology, fully intending to pursue a masterās and become a therapist.
But it doesnāt always work how we intend, does it?
After graduating in 2016, I got a job as a crisis worker. In June of 2017, my father died of cancer. In early 2018, I voluntarily admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital and took a break from doing crisis work. I should mention here that my fatherās death was an enormous trigger for me, though unfortunately I was hardly a stranger to grief & loss at this point. I picked up a bipolar II diagnosis somewhere along the wayā¤my prior ADHD diagnosis still flying conveniently under the radar.
I returned to crisis work in late 2018 and decided to pursue a masterāsā¦ this time in nursing, to become a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. Something about the dense subject matter of core nursing curriculum prompted me to bring up my old ADHD diagnosis to my provider in the fall of 2019. I was re-diagnosed and re-medicated, with my bipolar II diagnosis still in tow.
š Our journeys are far from linear. Add ADHDā¤diagnosed, treated, or otherwiseā¤into the mix and sometimes it feels like weāve lived the lives of many different people. Itās disorienting. Itās isolating. And I know that there are many of you who can relate to my story and have felt extremely alone because of it.
Spoiler alert: Youāre far from alone.
Anyway, where was I? Right, re-diagnosis at 29. For me, in adulthood, medication was a game-changer. I could finally focus in meetings, I had the ability to take in more of the dense information I was learning in class, I was more present with my clients.
But thenā¦ the pandemic. Iād just started a microbiology course. While many were skeptical of COVIDās severity early on, our micro professor was far from shy about his mounting paranoia and fear, and would start each class with an update on the global death counter on the Johns Hopkins website. It was horrifying. Soon, all classes were moved online. Despite my high grades in undergrad, I knew getting through this would be a different ballgame.
So, I quit my crisis work job (where it was extremely difficult to social distance safely) and I stopped pursuing prerequisite coursework for nursing.
ā¦Now what?
A few months after leaving crisis work, I landed a promising remote job and was made to believe I would be quickly promoted based on my experience. My new manager actually said it was fate that theyād hired me (potential red flag #1). The first two weeks were amazing, I was getting tons of positive feedback and encouragement.
The third week, I felt something shiftā¦ you know the feeling. When you can tell you did something āwrongā but itās unclear what it could possibly be? Everyone seems to know except you? Well, my feeling was right. I never found out what exactly I did wrong apart from them insisting that I ādidnāt like it thereā (which was untrue) and trying, unsuccessfully, to convince me to quit on my own accord. They ended up firing me on my 30th birthday š„³, only about 1 month after I started. I was heartbroken, and it still stings to this day to think about what I could have possibly done to warrant such a complete change of heart.
After several grueling months on unemployment, I finally returned to the workforce as a case manager, again. I quickly became bored and under-stimulated, eventually transferred to the companyās Learning & Development department seeking a bit of novelty and dopamine, and many of my ADHD-influenced strengths were able to truly shine thereā¦ for awhile.
Ready for another twist?
I was doing amazing and fulfilling work as a trainer and starting to feel like maybeā¤just maybeā¤Iād found my calling. Unfortunately, this job had become extremely toxic for me, and I could feel the foundation crumbling beneath me despite all the hard work and energy I was pouring into it every single day. I couldnāt believe this could be happening to me again.
After trying everything I could possibly think of to improve the situationā¤and with as much of a flourish as I could muster without technically āburning bridgesāā¤I left the most lucrative job Iād ever had without anything lined up at the beginning of 2023. To say I felt like a failure would be an understatement, but after some time (and invaluable support) to process my feelings, Iāve learned that leaving a job that toxic is the farthest thing from a failure, for me.
Leading up to my decision to leave and the myriad of ways I attempted to salvage my career, I started ketamine-assisted trauma therapy, and my provider (with the help of an in-depth neuropsychological assessment) dismissed my looming bipolar II diagnosis in favor of C-PTSDā¤alongside the re-confirmed ADHD and a few other acronyms I wonāt bore you withā¦ for now.
Again with the best of intentions, I completed a UX/UI Design bootcamp and briefly pursued a design career, but I had this nagging sense that this field would not be fulfilling for me long-term. I came across Leanne Maskellās LinkedIn page and saw all the incredible work she was doing with ADHD Works. It made my heart flutter with excitementā¤why hadnāt I considered becoming an ADHD Coach myself? I was already seeking out more neurodivergent spaces in order to feel safer to unmask, I was continuously drawn to jobs that allowed me the opportunity to help and support others, and most of allā¦ I couldnāt stop thinking about it.
Thankfully, I kept thinking about it, which has led me to where I am today: a certified coach, ready and eager to work with other neurodivergent folks with similar stories of feeling misunderstood, different, or out of place.
